Friday, May 02, 2008

Good Question

Rachel Lucas is an "interesting" voice in the blogosphere. In a recent post she decided to respond to a great question posited by John Hawkins. I have got to say that responses 1 and 3-9 sound pretty good to me:

Suppose you were elected Temporary Supreme Dictator of America. What are 10 laws you would pass/repeal or government programs you would create/tear down? (Assume that you are in office for however long it would take to do these things and that any changes you make will remain in place after you leave office.)

Excellent. It should be a meme, that one. The questioner and Hawkins both offer good, solid programs such as Fair Tax and conceal-carry amendments and term limits and balanced budgets. Well that fancy stuff is for brainy people.

Here’s what Dictator Lukis would do:

1. Banish Michael Moore, Barbra Streisand, and anyone else who needs it to the Isle of Cuba. Permanently.

2. Turn half of all golf courses into free-range dog shelters.

3. Implement the No Babies for You Program, which involves mandatory sterilization of every citizen at puberty, only to be surgically reversed upon reaching the age of 25, having $10,000 or more in a cash account (in addition to paying for the surgical reversal out-of-pocket), holding full health coverage, being married, and passing an IQ test with a result of over 100. At least. Within 10-20 years, this will automatically eliminate the vast majority of abortions, welfare, gangbangers, and so on.

4. Legalize, regulate, and tax the living SHIT out of marijuana. Use the profits to eliminate the federal deficit. I’m almost not kidding; it’s probably possible. People like to smoke dope.

5. Require every voter to pass a political science test before voting. If you don’t know what communism did to the world in the 20th century or what socialism is doing to it in the 21st century, no vote for you. Go home and start reading books.

6. Quadruple the pay of all military personnel. Also impose a salary cap on the amount “entertainers” are allowed to be paid for being nothing more than performance monkeys.

7. Capture every illegal immigrant and make them build an actual physical wall the entire length of all our borders. When they’re done, put them on the other side of it.

8. Eliminate criminal liability for people who realize the only way they’re going to get through that aisle at Target is to ram the oblivious asshole blocking it with your cart.

9. Free tacos for all citizens every third Tuesday.

10. Forget that “temporary” shit. Make self Dictator for Life.

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